Random Canadian Criminal Code Sections of the Day

Pulled completely at random from the latest version of the Canadian Criminal Code

s. 56(a)
Everyone who wilfully persuades or counsels a member of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police to desert or absent himself without leave is guilty of an offence punishable on summary conviction.

s. 167(2)
Every one commits an offence who takes part or appears as an actor, a performer or an assistant in any capacity, in an immoral, indecent or obscene performance, entertainment or representation in a theatre.

s. 444(b)
Every one who wilfully places poison in such a position that it may easily be consumed by cattle is guilty of an indictable offence and liable to imprisonment for a term not exceeding five years.

JoJo

courtesy of www.jojoonline.com:

A singer. A songwriter. A prodigy. With just a few notes, she's made some of the most influential men and women in America stop in their tracks to find her, and meet her. She possesses a rare talent that has enchanted talk show hosts, celebrities and audiences throughout the United States. And she's determined to take the music world by storm.

Her name is JoJo.

Cocaine's a Helluva Drug

http://www.cnn.com/2004/SHOWBIZ/Music/09/16/rick.james.reut/index.html

A Public Service Announcement

Do you have flat or inverted nipples? Do not fret, your baby can still breastfeed. More information can be found at:

http://www.breastfeed-essentials.com/invertednipples.html
or
http://www.medela.com/NewFiles/flatinvnips.html

Ultimate Quiz Question #7

Which term beginning with the letter "P" and found in mypleasure.com's online sexual dictionary turns you on the most?

a) Paraphilia (A sexual behavior characterized by intense recurrent sexual urges and sexually arousing fantasies lasting at least 6 months and involving nonhuman objects or parts of human objects, the suffering or humiliation of oneself or one's partner, or children or other nonconsenting individuals.)
b) Pediculosis Pubis (Lice that infest the pubic hair; commonly referred to as crabs.)
c) Perineum (A strip of sensitive tissue that runs between the genitals and the anus.)**
d) Phimosis (A condition in which the foreskin is so tight against the glans that it cannot be pulled back and must be loosened or removed surgically.)
e) Prick (Slang term for penis.)
f) Pubococcygeus (A muscular sling stretching from the pubic bone in front to the tailbone in back; Sometimes known as the PC muscle, it controls urine flow and contracts during orgasm. See Kegel exercises.)


**ed: I thought this was called the taint or the chota

BQOTD #12

"The men of Judah carried away very much booty. And they smote all the cities round about Gerar, for the fear of the Lord was upon them. They plundered all the cities, for there was much plunder in them. And they smote the tents of those who had cattle, and carried away sheep in abundance and camels. Then they returned to Jerusalem."
- Chronicles 14:13

Like a Phoenix Rising From the Ashes

He's Ba-aaack

BQOTD #11

"(Elisha) went up from there to Bethal; and while he was going up on the way, some small boys came out of the city and jeered at him, saying, 'Go up, you baldhead! Go up you baldhead!' And he turned around, and when he saw them, he cursed them in the name of the Lord. And two she-bears came out of the woods and tore forty-two of the boys."
- Kings 2:23

Ultimate Quiz Question #6

Which former professional wrestling manager best describes how you are feeling right now?

a) Bobby "The Brain" Heenan
b) "The Mouth of the South" Jimmy Hart
c) Brother Love
d) "Classy" Freddie Blassie
e) Miss Elizabeth
f) "Sensational" Sherri
g) Harvey Whippleman
h) Mr. Fugi

BQOTD #10

"...I will take your wives before your eyes and give them to your neighbor, and he shall lie with your wives in the light of this sun."
- Samuel 12:11

BQOTD #9

"And David took more concubines and wives from Jerusalem..."
- Samuel 5:13

Dinning's Thoughts

Lately, I've been preoccupied with age--not so much with my own age, but with the idea of age and of maturity.

It's been said often enough that I seem older than my twenty-three years. Why that is, I'm not sure. What I am sure of, though, is that I've always felt older. I've always related best to people who were older than me, too. What is maturity? Beyond any denotated meaning, I mean.

I think it's a sense more than it is a quality or behaviour. It is a way of knowing. Maturity is understanding propriety--and knowing when to transgress it. Maturity is understanding how your actions affect others and at least striving to "first do no harm". Maturity is understanding that when someone does do you harm, it may have much more to do with them and their own baggage than it does with you. Maturity is knowing that sometimes it's okay to be immature.

The number itself of our age is not important. And as far as maturity goes, is not emblematic of anything more than chronos. Human-made time--a paradigm imposed on life to try to make sense of its stages. Age does not signify maturity.And I think it's time the two concepts--age and maturity--were divorced in our minds. The association of the two, I think, is far more limiting than productive.

Ultimate Quiz Question #5

How many roads must a man walk down before you can call him a man?

a) 5
b) 18
c) 1
d) e
e) 43
f) As many boards as the Mongol hordes could hoard if the Mongol hordes got bored

Ultmate Quiz Question #4

Which of the following is your favorite preposition?

a) upon
b) toward
c) towards
d) round
e) amid
f) in

BQOTD #8

"...they have rejected the word of the Lord, and what wisdom is in them? Therefore I will give their wives to others..."
- Jeremiah 8:9

Sweet

http://www.extremerestraints.com/stat/JS700.html

Ultimate Quiz Question #3

Which mathematical theorem best describes your sex life?

a) Cox's Theorem
b) Buckingham's Pi Theorem
c) Fermat's Little Theorem
d) The Hairy Ball Theorem
e) The Infinite Monkey Theorem
f) Arrow's Impossibility Theorem
g) Maximum Power Theorem

BQOTD #7

"But God will shatter the heads of his enemies..."
- Psalms 68:21

BQOTD #6

"Happy shall he be who takes your little ones and dashes them against the rock!"
- Psalms 137:9

Awww, That's Our President Niyazov

Well, the 21st century's most hilarious President (Niyazov, of Turkmenistan) is at it again. This time declaring that an ice palace, large enough to hold 1000 people, shall be built in the heart of his country's desert terrain near the Copa Deg Mountains.

Still, he has a long way to go before topping his naming the months of the year after himself and his mother.

BQOTD #5

"Behold the day of the Lord is coming, when the spoil taken from you will be divided in the midst of you. For I will gather the nations against Jerusalem to battle, and the city shall be taken and the houses plundered and the women ravished..."
- Zechariah 14:1

Ultimate Quiz Question #2

Which body of water best describes you?

a) The River Thames
b) Lake Havasu
c) Lake Titicaca
d) The Indian Ocean
e) Swilcan Burn
f) Trollfjord
g) The Straight of Magellan
h) The River Styx
i) The Caspian Sea
j) The Gulf of Tonkin

Classic Stuff

OK, so I'm watching the Joe Schmoe show this weekend (read Tuesday afternoon) and find out that they're spoofing one of those Bachelor-type shows. But this time, instead of the guy giving out roses (or something similar) to indicate that you'd like the girl to stay, pearl necklaces are given out.

That's gold, Jerry, gold!

Ultimate Quiz Question #1

Which method of rock dating best describes your relationship with your family?

a) Carbon dating
b) Radiometric dating
c) Thermoluminescence
d) Electron spin resonance (ESR)
e) Cosmic-ray exposure dating
f) Micro-erosion analysis
g) Isochron dating

My New Goal

I've decided to begin my most difficult undertaking yet on this blog. Or my only undertaking yet. Whatever.

I will design the ultimate multiple-choice test which asks cryptic questions in an attempt to boil the respondant's entire being down to a single term.

Then bloggers from around the world will flock to this site in an attempt to find out who they really are and then share it on their blog for a small group of their friends to see.

A new question will be posted here everyday (your help in designing the questions will be much appreciated) until a sufficiently large enough quiz exists that every respondant can be safely placed into one of a handful of potential peer groups.

BQOTD #4

"Circumcise yourselves to the Lord, remove the foreskin of your hearts..."
- Jeremiah 4:4

Curb Your Enthusiasm

I may have witnessed the greatest 40 minutes in the history of cable television tonight.

BQOTD #3

"Samar'ia shall bear her guilt, because she has rebelled against her God; they shall fall by the sword, their little ones shall be dashed in pieces, and their pregnant women ripped open."
- Hosea 13:16

Know what the World needs more than anything? More lists

Foods seen on the warehouse floor of a Real Canadian Superstore recently:

- Raw cow fat (thrown at me by a butcher)
- Salt
- Flour
- Rice ("What kind?", you ask. Basmati.)
- A rotting papaya
- Tomato sauce
- Milk
- Salsa
- Cat litter (new and improved formula)
- Potato chips
- Potatoes
- Every bulk candy known to man
- Cereal
- Raw chicken wings
- Pork chops (packaged)
- Sprite (oops)
- Kibbles
- Bits
- Cow Blood (and lots of it)

BQOTD #2

"He whose testicles are crushed or whose male member is cut off shall not enter the assembly of the Lord."
- Deuteronomy 23:1

Old Concept, New Twist

Instead of offering you, my millions of readers, a tired old quote every day, I thought that I would change things up and post a passage from the bible everyday.

Yes, that's right, the Bible Quote of the Day (or BQOTD) shall be a staple of this blog until all passages have been quoted and I am forced to introduce the KQOTD (Koran Quote of the Day) or the TQOTD (Talmud Quote of the Day).

So, let me present BQOTD #1:

"Behold, I will corrupt your seed and spread dung upon your faces. . ."
- Malachi 2:3

Superfreak!!!

RIP Rick James (1948-2004)


Where's my coffin, bitch?!

Quote of the Day

"I hate quotes."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

I'm back

Wow, less than half an hour. I took less time to recover than expected.

God bless the chisled features of Ben Mulroney

I am heartbroken, absolutely heartbroken, after the latest contestant, (insert his/her name), was voted off Canadian Idol. This show is just toying with my emotions. I don't know if I'm going to in the right state of mind to make a post here in the next couple days.

And God said, "Let there be Jim".

And it was good.